It’s the start of another year. A time for optimism and making lofty resolutions and goals of all that we will achieve in the months to come.
Cue the sound of the needle scratching on the record.
Fertility is just a little different, right? If it were as easy as making a New Year’s Resolution to have a baby, I dare say you wouldn’t be reading this now.
Instead, as we turn the calendar forward another year, I’ve come up with a list of the top 5 things I think should be a priority for any woman who is struggling to get pregnant. In no particular order they are:
Self-Care
We hear a lot about self-care these days, and for good reason: most of us are really quite terrible at it. “I’m too busy.” “I’ll try to get around to it after I finish X, Y, and Z.” ”So-and-so needs my time more than I do.” I’m sure those sound familiar to most of you. But the problem with that thinking is that there will always be pressing things in our lives, and as soon as we tackle one, another immediately pops up.
Turns out, you can’t just wait for the right opportunity to take care of yourself–you’ve got to make it a priority and proactively make the time for it.
As for the “what” of self-care, that’s completely up to you! There is no right or wrong self-care activity, but I offer two criteria to help you find yours:
It must allow you to “get out of your head” so that you’re able to completely relax as the outside world melts away.
-and-
You must feel refreshed and somewhat energized when you’re finished.
And remember, you’ve got to regularly schedule your self care. Depending on what you choose, that could mean a few minutes every day, some time every week, or perhaps something more elaborate every month.
I feel like I can’t say this enough, so I’m going to say it once more: What you do doesn’t matter nearly as much as just doing and being consistent.
Self-Compassion
Over the years I have learned that every single woman who is struggling to get pregnant stinks at this. We’re really, really hard on ourselves, and not only is it unjustified, it’s just plain harmful.
Think about it for a minute. How many of you have convinced yourself that your body is “broken,” that you don’t deserve to be a parent, or that you’re being punished for something that you’ve done? Awful, awful, and awful.
But maybe the worst of it is that your body actually internalizes all these thoughts. It believes them and then it acts on them by…wait for it…working to keep you from getting pregnant!
Cultivating self-compassion must be a priority not only for the good of your sanity, but for the good of your fertility, too!
Self-Advocacy
Plain and simple it means speaking up for yourself. That could mean asking questions at the doctor’s office, setting boundaries with friends and family, explaining to your partner exactly how they can best support you, or even with yourself as you work to fit self-care into your schedule.
You are the one who best knows what you want and need. You are the one who lives in your body and understands it better than anyone else. And you are the only one who is going to put you in the number one spot, ahead of everyone and everything else. That is power, and you need to use it.
(Also, none of the rest of us can read your mind!!)
Breathing
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Notice what happens in your body.
Did your shoulders relax and your stomach loosen? Did you feel the muscles in your face and jaw soften a little bit?
You can find all sorts of breathing techniques and programs designed to help you relax, but I’m going to suggest something much simpler:
Make it a point several times a day to pause what you’re doing and take a deep breath. It’s simple, yet powerful. And chances are, one deep breath might lead to another, and another, and another…
Journaling
This is a tool that I become more fond of every day. I’ve already written a couple of blog posts about journaling that you can read over here and over here. So let me just share a couple of reasons why it should become a priority for you:
It is a great way to help you organize the jumble of thoughts you have in your head.
Journaling is an excellent tool to combat negative thoughts and work on self-compassion.
You can freely express any and every emotion without fear that someone else will read it. So liberating!
